Reflection
by khkrazy
Summary: It's like 09' in your basement and I'm addicted to cigarettes, wearing doc martens and in love with Seifer. And well...not much has changed. Seiner.


Hey guys! It's been a while but I'm back. This is my annual display of love for BLub271 via Seiner fanfiction but I have to admit this story meant a lot to me as well. It's kind of on the long side but a lot happens, anyway hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: Not my characters.

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Reflection

I remember the first time Roxas and I were in that basement; it was about a month into Junior year, on a Saturday. We had taken a coffee table off the trash that morning, spending the rest of the afternoon sanding and putting varnish on it. It looked pretty fucking amazing by the time we were done and it was the finishing touch to the room; dimly lit with old white Christmas lights but the brightness was so low they seemed almost yellow. There was a big plush couch on the wall, it was tan and worn but very comfortable. Thick shag-like carpeting lined the floor, my shoes sunk into it every time I walked. The ceilings were low but the room itself extended back pretty far and gave us lots of room. In the front, Roxas had set up his large stereo that he used to listen to his ever growing CD collection. Roxas furnished the majority of the room with items from thrift shops and garage sales, so it had a very 1990's feel down there. The basement was originally going to be converted into an exercise room for Roxas' parents but instead it had become a holding center for adolescent inebriation. We spent the night before hanging posters that Roxas had just bought, framed and neatly placed on the wall; by the time we were done the room was an accurate description of everything we were. It was close to 4 pm when we were finished, I took a deep breath feeling both exhausted and accomplished, at the end of that same breath the other blond turned to me.

"Should we invite people over tonight? Show them our handy work?" he asked taking another look around the room.

"Will your parents mind?"

"My dad won't be back until Monday - work. And my mom shouldn't be in until late," he said with a shrug examining one of the frames for a while before walking up to center it.

"Alright. Then we totally should."

Between the two of us we found about a dozen people to invite, we didn't have many friends. Of that dozen only eight thought it was worth it to actually come, not that we minded. Roxas went through the liquor cabinet like the two of us had so many times making sure every kid had a full plastic cup. We all sat in our collective space having what we believed existential conversations, they were - retrospectively - just intoxicated ramblings.

I sat on the couch next to Roxas with my feet propped up on the coffee table, his legs were crossed the same way mine were. We both had on rolled up skinny jeans and doc martens, mine were dark blue and his were red, its funny now; his favorite color always was red.

It was our "pop punk" phase but in New Jersey, where we lived, I think it was everybody's pop-punk phase. Roxas's stereo was blasting Man Overboard while we inhaled cigarette after cigarette like it was the air we needed to breathe. I didn't see it as chain smoking then but I know better now. I can't even remember how we got the cigarettes, none of us were old enough.

Sometime that night in between cigarette five and six Seifer asked me for a light, I had misplaced my lighter and Roxas was too busy talking about why he hated straight edge kids to hear me when I asked him for his. Instead, Seifer leaned down and touched his cigarette to mine. The cancer stick was still in my mouth and his unlit one dangled from his lips, as the ends touched it was like a pseudo kiss. He held it between his index and middle fingers waiting for the end to spark and it did. As he moved back with the lit cigarette something else sparked. The smoke drifted out of his nostrils and I fell in love with Seifer Almasy.

I would recount that moment to Roxas twenty-two times within the next four days.

It was on the fifth day that an annoyed Roxas couldn't stand to hear me say his name again.

"Will you shut the fuck up." He said with a sigh rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"I can't..." I whined with complete honesty.

"How about, we have everybody come over again then you guys can hang out. Good idea?"

I smiled so hard I thought my face would crack.

The other blonde just laughed and shook his head, "I take that as a yes."

I nodded furiously.

"Alright, I'll get on that." He said smiling back at me.

The next day Roxas told me everyone would be coming over, it was a Friday, and his parents were going to a baseball game.

I was incredibly excited for the chance to see Seifer again and I never got excited for anything. Every time the door opened my heart skipped a beat, so as my luck would have it Seifer didn't show up. I didn't talk to anybody the whole night and hate to admit it, but it was one of the biggest disappointments in my life.

As it all cleared out Roxas gingerly and drunkenly patted my back before getting me blankets so I could sleep in the guest room. I practically lived at his house, after a certain time of night he just knew I was going to stay. Not that my parents cared either way.

That next night was Saturday, Roxas's parents were still out of town so he had everybody come over again and this time a few new people came too. Among them was a girl named Namine; she was really pretty and stayed by Roxas's side the entire night - the blonde had brought some pot with her too. Everybody tried to act nonchalant about it, but it was evident that we were anxious and curious, we were the kids who thought we were too cool and above it all but were just as cliché and shallow as everyone else our age - maybe more so.

She held the bong and Roxas lit it; as she looked up at him over the glass container, their eyes met. Roxas would later tell me this story and in a fashion very similar to the way I told him about Seifer. Which was weird to me. I always thought Roxas would be gay. I was high when Seifer finally arrived, all I had to do was see him and I was no longer angry. It was probably two hours after everyone else had gotten there I wasn't completely sure.

"Hey," he said as he walked up behind me.

I turned around shocked by his voice.

"Seifer," I said dragging my words, "Seifer, Hey."

He chuckled, "What are you drinking and where can I get some?"

"I haven't been drinking." I said coyly.

"So what have you been doing?" he asked with as raised eyebrow.

"Marijuana." I said offhandedly.

He laughed and shook his head, "Sounds awesome."

"So how you been?" he asked sitting in a corner by the wall, he was too tall and the ceiling was just touching the top of his head. As he leaned back, the dim bulbs cast a silhouette over his brow, it seemed picturesque, but again, I was high.

"Awesome," I said sitting across from him with crossed legs, "You weren't here yesterday though," I said unintentionally pouting.

"I had work," he said squeezing my cheeks, "Sorry you missed me though."

I pulled back, "Never said I did."

"Didn't have to."

We smiled at each other.

At some point Seifer had left to get us both something to drink. After my second cup I turned to Seifer - apparently more intoxicated than I thought - and stopped him in mid sentence

"Your eyes are really, really pretty," I blurted out.

He smirked and took a sip from his cup. "Thank you," he said leaning in closer to me, placing his hand on my upper thigh.

I almost pissed on myself.

"Don't look so nervous Hayner." He said patronizingly.

"Shut up."

"Not if I shut you up first," he teased.

"Now how would you-"

He cut me off with a kiss. I melted into my intoxication and into Seifer. He was my first kiss and it was perfect. Roxas would be the audience for this story upwards of twelve times, in accompaniment to my incessant begging for another chance to repeat it.

"No," he told me for the millionth time, "They're becoming too frequent, its getting old and I've exhausted a good portion of my parents' liquor cabinet. I want to keep it awesome and not just something that happens every fucking Friday, okay Hayner? I mean honestly if you want to see the kid so bad go find him. I mean our school is crowded but its not outrageous."

I shook my head but I had no intention of doing that. After all Seifer was Roxas's friend - more of an acquaintance - and I had no real relation to him aside from that kiss. So it was nearly three weeks before I saw Seifer again - eighteen days to be exact. The Friday before our reunion, Roxas nonchalantly walked up my locker at the end of the day.

"My parents are going to visit my Aunt so I'm having everybody over, and I think Namine is bringing a few people," he said nodding at me before he walked away.

I shut my locker and took a deep breath trying to restrain my inner desire to skip all the way home. I went home and packed a bag knowing that I was going to stay at Roxas's and surprisingly, was one of the last to arrive, Seifer was already there looking like perfection. His beanie was off and I thought he looked even better without it.

"Hey," I said walking up to him, it took a lot of inward encouragement to go over to him so calmly, but all that was shattered the moment he greeted me by grabbing my hand and kissing me. He pressed his lips to mine and held my body close to his.

"Hey," he said back as he pulled away.

I was completely caught off guard.

"Hey," I said again chuckling, although it was more manly than giggling.

Seifer leaned in and kissed me again, but this time it was more than a greeting. He took my bottom lip into his mouth as if he were using it to draw our bodies closer together. I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, he pulled away breathing heavily against my lips but I wanted more. I moved forward to kiss him again in the way he had kissed me, but instead he just lightly pecked my lips and took my hand.

"Let's get something to drink."

I nodded and followed behind him, it took everything in me not to whine and complain. Fuck the drinks, all I wanted was Seifer but him touching my hand was enough for right now. He filled up our cups and leaned against a wall.

"I missed you," he said sipping his drink.

"Really now? Well, I missed you too."

He looked at me over the red plastic. "How much did you miss me?" he asked drinking in the silence.

I shrugged.

"Come on, humor me."

"What unit of measurement should I use?" I joked.

He looked down and smirked; he was perfection.

"You're such a smart ass Hayner."

"Oh I know," I said finishing off my cup.

"You done with that already?" he asked.

I nodded.

"You feeling okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said defensively, "I can handle my liquor." Not an accurate statement.

"You're cute," he said laughing as he finally finished off his own drink.

"We'll you're fucking gorgeous," I said attempting to be seductive. It was the alcohol talking. Definitely the alcohol.

He laughed again. "Well then I guess your name is gorgeous," he said leaning in close to me, "because tonight I'm fucking you."

His eyebrows raised slightly as he took my hand in his and lead us upstairs. We fucked in Roxas' bed that night. Soon after, Seifer went home and left me in the other blonde's room. Roxas slept on the floor and the next morning it was my job to do laundry, Roxas never got over the fact that I had sex in his bed.

My relentless need to have Seifer fuck me was rapidly increasing, but luckily for me Roxas also had an insatiable desire for a blonde; he and Namine had become inseparable. Our parties had turned into an every Saturday thing, damn near the exact thing Roxas claimed he didn't want, but I didn't care. I was seeing Seifer and the sex was incredible. Seifer walked in on our fifth consecutive Saturday party and immediately grabbed me, roughly pressing his fingers into my sides through my clothes as he slid his tongue in between my lips and I gladly gave him access allowing our tongues to meet in my mouth swirling around each other fighting for dominance and Seifer always won. Only because I let him. He was better in bed when his ego was inflated.

The morning following Roxas's parents asked what did we do the night before. It was obvious from the look on his parents' face that we were caught but Roxas very quickly defused the situation. He huffed very dramatically before looking down and then back up at his parents.

"We had some friends over, we were drinking..." he trailed off.

I stood there terrified as to what would happen and confused as to why Roxas would so easily give up all this information.

"How many," His father asked sternly.

"Two. My girlfriend and her friend." he lied.

His mother looked angrier but his father's face softened just a bit.

"Your girlfriend?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Roxas smiled and nodded and the conversation quickly shifted to Namine and how pretty she was and how wonderful she was and how her and Roxas had met. By the time we were through Roxas's dad was just so happy that his son was finally interested in the opposite sex that he totally disregarded everything else that happened that weekend. Me and Roxas has dodged a serious bullet. Unfortunately, Roxas's mom wasn't so amused and refused to go out that weekend just to keep and eye on Roxas and I if we decided to have company again, so naturally we didn't. She did the same thing the following weekend and I was getting annoyed. I needed Seifer and I needed sex but his mother was relentless and wouldn't let her guard down, not even for a second.

It was only after two weeks did I realize how limited my relationship was with Seifer. I didn't have his number and we didn't have any classes together; outside of parties we just didn't know each other.

It was a Monday night when I laid in bed at my own house contemplating what we were. I liked Seifer I knew that. I actually loved him but it was far too terrifying to admit that to myself. We liked the same music, smoked the same brand of cigarettes and we both thought that sex felt exactly the same with a condom, that was more than enough for me to be absolutely sure that we were perfect together. But I had never said I liked him and he never said it either, I doubted we were dating but we were sleeping together and every Saturday it seemed like I was the only person in the world that mattered to him. After thinking for hours I finally decided I had no choice but to talk to Seifer... in school. My sanity was resting on seeing him again, even if I just said hi. I needed him so badly.

Eventually, I fell asleep in my clothes with a seemingly functional plan. I was abruptly woken up by the screeching of my alarm clock just four hours later. Despite my lack of sleep I was still feeling good because I was taking the initiative here, I was sure Seifer missed me and I was positive I was doing us both a huge favor. That morning Roxas drove me to school and I filled him on my plan.

"Good for you Hayner," he said cheerily.

"What about you, don't you miss Namine?" I asked.

"I saw her yesterday," he said with a shrug. He was obviously trying not to rub it in but I was still jealous.

"Oh, cool," I said before looking out the window, he didn't bother trying to talk to me as we rode to school.

We got there just in time for first period; Chemistry was awful anyway but the fact that it started at 7:55 in the morning made it even less appealing. Luckily for me it was followed by my favorite class, unlike everyone else I knew, I loved math so calculus was fun to me. With only a few minutes left I had a great epiphany. After the bell rang I went up to my teacher.

"Sir?" I asked waiting to be acknowledged.

"Yes Hayner?" he responded setting up the board for his next class.

"Do you teach a student named Seifer?" I asked hoping he wouldn't find the question too odd.

I was being a little creepy, I'll admit it, but we knew each other so it wasn't stalking—or so I kept telling myself.

He thought for a moment, "Yes. Why do you ask?"

I paused; I was caught off guard and I was an awful liar.

"Uh, he wanted me to... I have his book and he needs it back. So he told me to give it to him."

"Why would you have an AP Calculus book?" he asked wiping his hands on his pants.

"Its - uh. Um. It's not a math book, he let me borrow something to read."

"So you pick my class to interrupt to return a non-math book?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I cleared my throat with nothing else to say.

"Seventh period. Its a small class, give him the book back as quickly as possible," he said turning away from me.

"Thank you." I said leaving quickly.

I was late for my next class but I didn't care, in my small introverted world this was a great victory. It was fifth period when I saw Roxas again; we had lunch together so I told him what I was going to do. He just smiled and nodded, it wasn't the reaction I wanted—not at all.

"What?" I questioned defensively.

The others at our table just watched the exchange but I never expected much input from Pence and Olette.

"Nothing, just glad to see you so... determined."

"You're mocking me."

"I am not."

I huffed and stood up annoyed as hell. At this point, I couldn't care what Roxas thought this was for me, for me and Seifer. Sixth period had never ever seemed so long, it was agonizing sitting and waiting and wondering. When the bell rang I immediately jumped from my seat, my heart was racing as I walked down the hall, the class had already started which was fine with me - I still got see Seifer and that was all that mattered.

As I stood in the doorway the teacher reluctantly nodded in my direction, "Mr. Almasy, someone is at the door for you."

Confused Seifer got up and met me at the door. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be but not even in my wildest nightmare did I think it would be what it was. His jaw dropped slightly as he saw me and he nervously shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" he hissed.

"I go to school here." I said jokingly.

He rolled his eyes, "You're not fucking funny. What are you doing here right now?"

"I... I haven't seen you in two weeks." I said stumbling over my words.

"I'm aware," he said obviously annoyed.

"I don't have your number and we don't have any classes together..." I trailed off.

"There's a reason for that Hayner. What I do during the week and who I do on the weekends are two separate things alright?" He said with a huff before he went back into the classroom.

For a moment I just stood there; I was in denial. I was absolutely shocked about what had just occurred but then I got pissed. Slowly but surely the anger rose up as I realized I had just been used, tossed aside and then cursed out for it. Angrily, I stormed off down the hallway and with a growl punched a locker as I walked pass. Without even thinking I walked out of the building. Action after action with no thought in between. I lived almost two miles from school, no car and no school bus so I walked the two miles, seething the whole way. I could have convinced myself that he was having a bad day or that I misinterpreted his words, but he had made himself absolutely clear. I was grateful that nobody was home when I got there and with a defeated sigh I tossed aside my bag and fell on my bed. I didn't wake up until 9 am the next morning. I had unintentionally given myself the day off, though it was probably for the best. Bad daytime television and microwave pizza bites can only help mend a broken heart.

I sat at home that day switching between self-pity and hatred. Infinite questions that I never got the answers to, though I'm sure they wouldn't have been satisfactory anyway. I only moved to eat, which didn't happen often since I had the brilliant idea of moving all the food to me. The TV was on and I mindlessly flipped from station to station, I couldn't focus long enough to watch anything. At around 2 o'clock I had come back to self-pity and just had to wonder what I had done to make Seifer hate me. I had willingly accepted that we weren't together and even if it was just sex to him - why drop me the way he did? Roxas later sent me a text, asking if was I okay. I told him I was taking a personal day and he was fine with that. The day following I still had no desire to go to school but I got up despite my feelings.

For that whole day I was simply going through the motions, but nobody seemed to question it, and for that I was thankful. I really didn't really want to talk about it - it made me feel weak, stupid and girly. During seventh period I sat in my own class, fighting the urge to walk into that math class and punch Seifer right in the middle of his fucking face. I managed to restrain myself and last until the end of the day but I was still in a shit mood, and that was evident at least to my ever observant best friend.

He turned to me as we sat in his car driving home.

"They opened a Seattle's Best in the Barnes and Nobles," he said with a smile.

"So?" I questioned annoyed, not with Roxas but myself, Seifer and my insatiable libido.

"I know you like coffee and you always said that Seattle's Best makes your favorite but there was never one around here," he rambled.

I rolled my eyes, "You hate coffee Roxas."

"But you love it," he offered pathetically.

I sat in silence.

"Hayner, what's wrong? You've been really moody and you won't tell me what's going on," he said in a dejected way that snapped me out of aggression momentarily.

I sighed unwilling to admit to my broken heart.

"I don't know, just stuff." I said refusing to look him in the eyes.

He sighed, not in annoyance but in sadness and concern. "You'll tell me wherever I guess," he said.

We drove pass the Barnes and Nobles and I desperately wished I wasn't being such a bitch because their coffee was fantastic but I was too busy internally throwing a tantrum to ask Roxas to pull over. We got to his house faster than usual it seemed, but that was probably just because I was too preoccupied with thoughts of Seifer, it was all I thought about anymore, it was sickening actually. I hadn't been to Roxas's house since me and Seifer had stopped speaking. I had convinced myself it was because I wanted to be alone but in truth I just wasn't prepared for seeing that basement, too many memories. Too many cigarettes, and intoxicated conversations laced in innuendos. Roxas had poured us both cups; of soda unfortunately. We took them and walked down to the basement and I felt my chest close up a bit. He sat on the couch and propped his feet up on the table. He was wearing his red docs.

I caught sight of it and I gagged. It was small and barely noticeable but it was a physical reaction, I almost threw up right then and there. Seifer had officially ruined my life and taken every bit of control I ever had. I angrily slammed down the cup and stormed back upstairs, Roxas called after me but I ignored him. Opening the sliding door in the kitchen that lead to the backyard I walked out, the February air was painfully cold but it felt good at the same. At least I was thinking about something else.

"Hayner!" Roxas yelled as he stepped outside behind me.

I just stared over the brownish fence that was fading to gray. Roxas sighed not bothering to ask me what had just occurred, instead he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and offered me one. I nodded and slid it from the pack and into my mouth. He handed me his lighter, I shielded the flame from the wind and handed it back to him. For a while we just stood there freezing, the smoke was indiscernible from the steam that appeared as we breathed into the frigid air.

"Seifer dumped me or whatever you want to call it seeing as we weren't really together." I paused to take another drag from the cigarette there was a sense of relief as I said it aloud, the satisfaction was minimal and followed by an acute depression.

"I guess that's why I've been all moody or whatever. The aftereffects of being fucked and dumped."

He nodded solemnly, "Well if it's any consolation, Namine thinks she's pregnant." Suddenly my problems didn't seem as dramatic.

"I'm confused. I thought you guys were together."

"We are. Which makes me the unlucky father of the bastard."

I looked at him and just stared, stared for so long that most of cigarette turned to ash and fell off.

"Roxas, I-"

The blonde just shrugged. "No big deal." He said inhaling and releasing the smoke through his nostrils.

"Just a new chapter in my book titled: Fucked by Life," he said with cryptic humor, I laughed despite myself.

"Yeah. Fucked by life." I said adding to the almost-more-painful-than-funny situation as I realized the cryptic play on words at work here.

That heartbreaking blonde was my everything; Seifer is - was, my life and he had fucked me over.

It took me and Roxas a while to recover from that bought of depression, cynicism and deep thought but once it was over he had an idea. Retrospectively probably one of the worse he ever had but he had it anyway.

"Let's have a party this weekend. And were the only blondes invited," he said with a smile. I chuckled and nodded.

That Friday couldn't have come any sooner, I was ecstatic. It was our biggest party yet, more than 30 people, my guess was because in the dead of winter there's nothing to do and so a party - even one hosted by two nobodies - was worth looking into. I was having a phenomenal time dancing and kicking ass at beer pong when Roxas came and got me. He was pale and he looked panicked.

"Hayner, Hayner," he panted.

"What?" I questioned swaying with intoxication.

"Seifer is here."

My eyes dropped immediately, I didn't know how to feel and then it surfaced. Angry, I felt fucking angry.

I stormed upstairs to where Seifer was apparently, it wasn't long before I spotted the tall blonde with the beanie, I became a man with a mission, I was going to tell him off in front of all these people. I was resolved and determined, so determined I didn't see Namine walk right pass me down the steps to go tell Roxas off for impregnating her and not having the decency to then invite her to his next party when it had been weeks.

"Hayner," he said smiling at me. I shook my head, the nerve of this guy.

"Are you smiling at me right now?"

"Look. You have a right to be mad but you have to understand where I was coming from-" I grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall by the door effectively cutting him off. I was enraged when he didn't fight me back. Instead he just reached his hands up to touch mine as they rested on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry Hayner, I really am."

I made the fatal mistake of looking right in his eyes and all the good moments suddenly outweighed the bad. My grip on him loosened slowly and he finally just pulled them off entirely, he wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms around my waist before he buried his face in my neck. I just stood there staring over his shoulder at the white wall behind him that I had just pinned his body to a moment ago. This was so wrong but if this was my relationship with Seifer I would just have to accept it, and I did. The same way Roxas accepted that him and Namine were falling apart because of the mistake growing inside of her. That night while I was in bed with Seifer, Roxas would snatch a red plastic cup out of Namine's hands before picking her up and carrying her out of his house and demanding that she never come back. They were through and me and Seifer were - hell, I still don't know.

Seifer was back in my life and yet things still seemed to unraveling. Roxas was devoting all his attention to the SATs as way of distracting himself from the fact that Namine was probably almost two months pregnant by now. He hadn't thrown anymore parties and I was unsure if I was happy or sad. I hadn't seen Seifer in two weeks but things were different now, we had started texting each other and I felt I had some control on the situation. Until week three when the messages stopped. He stopped responding and he stopped sending them I couldn't find it in myself to care again. More weeks passed and Roxas took the SATs, I had opted to wait until the May date to bother. It was the third week of March and Roxas got his scores back, pleased and somewhere in 1900 range the blonde decided to throw a party celebrating himself. I smiled and agreed but sat in fear that Seifer would should up.

He never showed, neither did Namine but more importantly Seifer was nowhere to be found. He was really out of my life this time. I stayed at Roxas's that night, we sat down in the basement still drinking both of us feeling rather contemplative, it was obvious but neither of us said a word. Eventually Roxas's phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and huffed as he picked it up. I watched as he paced the length of the small basement with the phone to his ear. His voice was barely a whisper and I was too drunk to bother with trying to make out what he was saying. I did catch something towards then end as he raised his voice. The words third trimester and abortion were prevalent, and at that point I decided I didn't want to listen anymore. Instead I turned my attention to the LA Dispute song playing from the stereo at a comfortably low level. "I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again. My dear I hear your voice in mine. I've been alone here. I've been afraid my dear. You've been away." I scoffed and sighed before standing up to turn it off. For a while I just stood there my weight resting on the large CD player before walking upstairs. I left Roxas to his problems and tried to forget my own.

Eventually my problems truly were forgotten. Seifer, pregnant blondes, junior year and SATs behind, the summer of 2010 seemed promising. But with the year finished it was obvious me and Roxas weren't going to the same college, neither of us wanted to talk about the fact that this was our last year together so we didn't, instead we just spent every day that summer together with a subconscious desire to make each moment important. We got drunk too often with strangers, we rarely slept and took god awful pictures that Roxas still has, much to my dismay. We spent a lot of time with Pence and Olette who had to me always just been lunch buddies but over the summer the four us became really close and we frequented their favorite club The Clock Tower. Seifer had become just a blip on the radar, long forgotten and chalked up as stupid things teenagers do in high school. I wasn't angry anymore and I wasn't sad. I bought new doc martens; they were smaller and made of dark leather not shiny like my old ones but the other blonde held on to his scuffed up red ones. That day in the shoe store Roxas and I met Vanitas who would eventually become more trouble than I ever wanted, but we didn't know that then; at the time he was just another great part of that summer.

The three months passed by too quickly but I found myself excited for senior year when it finally arrived. Me and my best friend were closer than ever not to mention Pence and Olette but the greatest shock came when we discovered that our new friend Vanitas would be joining us here for this last year. Twelfth grade settled in as an ordinary year though I was now much more content, I had grown up a bit and packed some experiences under my belt. It should have been obvious, I guess I should have known that everything was going too well.

It was the last week of October when me and my dark haired friend were walking down the hallway together, we were laughing, that much I know, but about what I can't remember—well anyway we were laughing and I felt Vanitas bump me lightly as a result of being pushed. I looked over just in time to see Seifer walking pass, even from behind he looked angry. Confused, I even more so, the two of us kept on. I had completely forgotten about it until me and Roxas arrived at his house like we did every afternoon, upon seeing the basement I recalled my seemingly random incident with Seifer but before I got the chance to tell him he told me he had to go and left me alone in his house. It wasn't the first time but I was concerned nonetheless about his abrupt departure. I stayed at Roxas's waiting for him for hours, sometime after 11:00 I had fallen asleep. I woke up a few hours later; just in time for school, but Roxas still wasn't back. Worried, I called him but he didn't answer so I just stayed at the house hoping he would come back. His parents went about their normal routine unaware of their missing son and unaware of my presence. When he came back there was a sense of dread following him, he was silent for a long time. Eventually he sat down beside me somberly and spoke.

"Namine had the baby - it's a girl. She hasn't picked a name yet."

Roxas pulled out a pack of cigarettes and we smoked. We sat in silence and we smoked.

Roxas didn't come to school for the rest of the week. I spent those days getting dirty looks from Seifer's friends except I didn't know that who they were at the time or why they looked at me that way until Seifer finally confronted me himself. I closed my locker to find him staring there, it was like seeing a ghost.

"Heard you have a boyfriend."

My first thought was to deny it profusely but then I decided against giving him the satisfaction.

"Why does that concern you?"

"So it's true?"

"I don't really think it's any of your business." I said with a shrug putting my bag on my shoulder, I felt his hand on my wrist I turned to walk away.

"Get the fuck off me," I hissed.

"Then answer the question."

"Why? You haven't meant anything to me for how long now?"

"Hayner you-"

"What? I what Seifer? Should report to you what I do with my life? Why? You fucked me over... and over and over and then didn't give a fuck, so why should I care now."

I suppose I had metaphorically punched Seifer in the gut and so he exacted his revenge literally with a sharp hit to my stomach. I doubled over in pain but only briefly before reaching up, grabbing the other blond by his collar and forcing him back into the strip of lockers on the other side of the hall, violently shoving him over and over again with months of pent up anger. Seifer has never went down without a fight, so I wasn't surprised when he threw us both to the ground with him on top - as always. He punched me in my face repeatedly. I suppose it was the sound of us screaming at the top our lungs is what finally drew a crowd, students and teachers flying out of their classroom to pull us apart. I had no idea who was holding me back but that fight had let loose the flood gates, I was crying in front of everyone but not from sadness - disappointment, frustration and hurt. I screamed at him louder than ever as my arms were locked behind me.

"I hate you. I fucking hate you." And the worse part was I didn't mean a single word of it.

The next weeks included me awkwardly avoiding Vanitas, listening to Roxas talk about his daughter and trying to repress my renewed love for Seifer. It was a rough couple weeks. The weeks turned into months quicker than I would have liked them too and soon Roxas's daughter was eight months old and it was May which was when prom was. Roxas had sworn off girls all together and so Roxas, Pence, Olette and I went together. Chomping at the heels of prom was graduation. Roxas had his last party in that basement the week following graduation, years later I would still say that was the best day of my life, even the parts I don't remember. In the midst of all that time and events I had picked a college and sufficiently recovered from Seifer for the second time. Roxas had packed up and left for Virginia a week ago, now it was my turn to leave. I was New York bound and surprisingly optimistic.

Everyone else was inside while I continued loading the truck in the heat of July. I turned around to grab another box and instead was met with the sight of Seifer walking up the street. I sighed and quickly hurried to load more boxes. Like everything else he got there all too quickly.

"Hi." I said continuing to lift boxes never once looking at him.

"You know," he said helping me with the loading, "You were the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn't realize that."

I stayed quiet quickly lifting boxes wondering why the hell he was here.

"It was last week when I heard somebody was getting ready to leave, I thought it was you but I found out it was Roxas," he said exhaling as he lowered a heavy box into the trunk, "I wrote a really long letter that I was going to send to you but once I found out it wasn't you I figured I still had time, but I waited again and now you're leaving and I realize more than ever how much you mean to me and how jealous I was when I thought you had moved on and how stupid I was for refusing to fully commit you when I had the chance."

I kept lifting faster hoping to get away from him. He stopped me as I was rapidly reaching for another box, he held my hand and waited until I looked up at him.

"I loved you for so long and I was-" he stopped himself and sighed.

I was too tired to fight or do or say anything else and so after months of self reconstruction I let myself fall apart all again for Seifer and it was the best decision I ever made.

It's 2013, we're in that basement again and not much has changed; the thrift shop furniture and framed posters have stood the test of time. Nobody has been down here in ages and the dust is bothering Axel's allergies - that's Roxas's boyfriend, he has flaming red hair. Roxas says it was first attracted him to the lanky boy, and red always was his favorite color. Roxas is trying to keep from tearing up but the nostalgia is a bit overwhelming. Namine said she would stop over later after she drops off Felicity, that was the name she finally decided on the name for her daughter that was spawned from drunken sex and a now-gay boyfriend, were all one big dysfunctional family. Seifer is still my boyfriend; I went to school in New York for one semester before I transferred to a school in New Jersey, I came back for Seifer who decided college wasn't for him. We fight everyday and I love it. Everyday that I come home to him I remember bits and pieces of all the things it took for me to have him and it's all the better for everything it took.

* * *

**A/N:** I love the vibe of this story, it's so much calmer than anything else I've ever written. Anyway. Feels AMAZING to be back here with you all. Read & Review as always and stay posted for new things to come!


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